A SMALL PRAYER TO YOU GOD.

god please save me, I am tired of this life,
doing what I don't want to do.
I am tired of being a mere puppet,
whose strigns are with someone else.

I am not so good at handling my emotions,
I guess I care a lot for very small things.
but then,this is how I am,
and this is how you made me.

I wont complain if you give me sadness,
but not on on cost of the small happy things I have.
I am somewhat habituated to all this,
but please o god,I cant handle this any more

I am tired of crying,
I am tired of being sad.
I am tired of being miserable,
I am tired of being bad.

yes I am bad and yes,you made me bad,
I always try to do good,but guess its never enough.
somehow,somewhere i fail to make other people happy,
I fail to live up to their expectations.

if you have to take away,then please dont give me all this good things,
dont give those false hopes,
dont give me those untrue dreams,
I am tired of hearing all those lies
and please i cant handle it any more.
please save me god,please................

WHY DO I LOVE YOU ?

yesterday i fell in love with you,
what a beautiful feeling it was.
everything became a blessing,
everything was so admirable.

i never wanted to lose you,
just hold your hands and walk all the way.
this feeling of love so special,
so appropriate, so exclusive, so rare.

your every word was music to my ears,
i wanted to make all your dreams come true.
no one was more important to me,
nothing else mattered to me.

i never felt that someone could be come so essential for my life,
now i couldnt think of anything else but you.
but is this correct ?
because i know that you dont love me, and you wont ever love me.

is all this a mere illusion,a drug doping me,
giving me pain,poisioning me slowly,
taking away my life,piece by piece.
eating me from inside.

why all this happens to me,
why i am the victim of this thing.
can anyone please take this pain away,
can anyone give me back my innocence.

i know you cant be mine,
then why do u dont leave me alone ?
why this pain,this suffering ?

i can not take any more of this,
my tears have dried up,all my strength gone.
i feel hatred for myself,
why cant i control this feeling,
why did all this happen,
why cant i stay away from you,
why do i love you ????
please let me cry again..... let me live again......

WITHOUT YOU

silently i am sitting here.
feeling so lonely,missing you so much.
reminiscence of those days,when we were together,
thinking back of the moments spent with each other.

everything around me reminds me of you,
the breeze feels like your hairs caressing my face.
how i feel asleep on your shoulders,
and how dearly would you wake me up.

i was a fool to let you go away,
i didnt realize i was losing my life.
now my life has become still,
and there is nothing that i can do to bring you back.

why did you have to go away ?
guess my love wasnt good enough for you,
my feelings were not true enough for you.

i wish you were here with me today,
together we would live each moment again,
together we would forget the world again,
together we would walk the same path,

please come back,
i am sorry for what i did.

FAREWELL !!!!!!

khani shuru hoti hai school se.

class 12th mein ek ladka tha.

wo apne class ka ek normal sa avg sa ladka tha.

kafi friendly sa,kafi bada friend circle tha class 12th ke shuru mein.

magar kuch hi mahino mein uske sare dost apni apni gf's ke sath bsy ho gaye,

ab us bechare ko school se bhi akele aana padta tha. :(

1st terminal xams kahatm hue,tab class mein ek nayi ladki aayi...

new admission

uske papa ka transfer hua aur is wajah se wo itni late aayi thi

naam tha samiksha,samiksha kumari...

class mein late aane ki aadat to vipplov(us ladke) ko humesa se thi.

har din ki tarah us din bhi late aaya.

jaldi jaldi mein uski halat dekhne layak thi.

collar button khula hua,

tie thedi si,

baal bikhre bikhre.

class mein sirf ek hi seat khali thi,

samiksha ke bagal wali.

wo wahan baith gaya.

ajjeb lag raha tha use.pehli baar kisi ladki ke next baitha tha,

warna wo ladkon ke pass hi baithta tha.

uperse uski ye cartoon wali halat.

chup chap bina kuch kahe 2 period nikal gaye.

jab school mein short reak hua tab samiksha ne pehli baar baat ki.

"excuse me,can u plz lend mein ur computer notebook for today.actually mujhe kuch samjh nahin aa raha hai ki class mein padhai kya ho raha hai n its vry confusing"usne apni notebook de di.

fir 3 period ke lambi khamoshi.

baithe baithe apne aap ko kos raha tha,

promise kar raha tha,

ki aage se school der se nahin aayega,

taki aise ajeeb situation mein fanse.

fir long break.

tab hui unki formal introduction.

"hi,samiksha here,and wats ur name?"

-"vipplov"

-"ajjeb sa hai,iska matlab kya hota hai."

-"revolution,aandolan."

-"oho,to janab aandolan karte hai"

-"nahin,aisi koi baat nahin" (sharmate hue)

-"so tum rehte kahan ho?"

-"koelnagar,c block. aur tum?"

-"main jagda mein rehti hoon,st. marys school ke pass"

-"st. marys !!! maine wahan par class 7th tak padhta tha."

-"ohk"

-"so tumhare kitne naye dost bane yahan."

-"abhi to sirf aapse hi dosti hui hai :)"

aise hi baatein karte karte pura lunch break nikal gaya.

jab school wapis jane lage to samiksha fir uske paas aayi,

-"excuse me,kya tum plz mere sath chaloge. actually sare raste naye ahi aur main totally confused hoon ki papa ne mujhe kidhar se laye the."

-"ok"

fir ye roz ki baat ho gayi,

wo dono sath school jate,

sath hi aate,

lunch mein bhi sath sath,

humesa ek doosre ke sath hi baithte the.

dono mein se jo bhi pehle aata tha wo doosre ke liye seat rakh deta tha.

dhere dhere 2nd term khatam hue.

padhai ka pressure badhne laga,

bt vipplov ne notice kiya ki aaj kal wo pehle se bhi kam padhne laga tha.

har time pata nahin kahin khoya khoya rehta tha,

jab tak samiksha sath hoti thi to wo mast hota tha,

magar uske jate hi ek ajjeb sa situation ho jata tha,

jahan use kuch bhi karna acha nahin lagta tha.

us laga shayad use pyar ho gaya hai,

bt aisa kaise ho sakta hai !!!!!

nahin.

abhi use jane hue din hi kitne hue hai.

abhi se wo pyar kaise kar sakta hai.

use to kuch bhi nahin malum samiksha ke bare mein ki wo kya feelings rakhti hai.

ye sari baatein uska dimag kharab kar rahi thi

usne socha ki ok,

wo aisa karta hai,sab time pe chod deta hai,

sab apne aap thik ho jayega.

haan bt usne ye notice kiya ki aaj kall wo shamiksha ko leke kuch jayada hi possesive ho gaya hai.

use ye acha nahin lagat tha ki koi aur ladka usse baat kare ya wo kisi aur ladke se baat kare,

wo humesa uske liye choti choti favours karte rehta tha,

jab uska mood kharab ho to use cheer up karta tha,

ghanto phone pe usse baatein karta tha,

jahan wo chup rehta tha aur bolne ka kaam sirf wahi karti thi :)

bt ye bhi use bada acha lagta tha.

har monday ko wo samiksha ki fav choclate lata tha.

uske b'day par itni badi surprise party plan kari ki samiksha to khusi ke mare uchalna hi band nahin kar pa rahi thi. :)

sab kehne lage ki ladke tu sudhar gay hai,tujhe pyar ho gaya hai !!!!!!!!!!!!

pyar??? kya aisa hota hai ye pya? wp khud se yahi sawal baar baar poochta tha.

ek baar ek choti si baat ko leke shamiksha usse 2 din naraj rahi,

ye 2 din na jane kaise kate usne,

har 10 min pe uska cell try karta,

hajaro sry msgs bheje,

finally monday ko jab school gaya aur dono ka patch up hua tab jake use shanti aayi.

ab to use bhi lagne laga tah ki sjayad use pyar ho gaya hai,

bt kya ye baat use batani sahi rahegi.

usne socha ki school farewell ke din ye baat usse keh ke hi rahega.

fare well ka din---

bahut masti hui,

itne sare group pics liye gaye,

har gane pe stage pe jake dance kiya,

bada maja aaya.

us din wo apne papa ki nayi bike leke school gaya tha.

fare well kahatm hui,

samiksha haste hue uske paas aayi.

-"kya baat vipu,aaj to bada handu lag raha ahi. kis ladki ko flat karne ke irade hai tere?? "

-"aisa kuch nahin hai yaar. acha tum ghar kaise ja rahi ho. mere sath koi nahin hai. bolo to tumhe ghar chod deta hoon ?"

-"ok"

samiksha-"bt pehle jara market hote hue chalna.mujhe kuch shopping karni hai"

-"oki"

wo dono market jate hai. samiksha ek mast si t-shirt choose karti hai. jab shopkeeper ne kaha ki size kitni ki ho to usne vipplov ko aagte kar diya aur bola iske jitni .

vipplov ko thoda ajjeb laga,

uske size ki t-shirt.

chakkar kya hai hero !!!!!

wapis jate time dono i.g. park gaye

aaj farewell ka din tha,

school ka aakhri din,

yahi baat soch ke shayad samiksha dukhi thi,

vipplov ne socha ki shayad yahan jake uska mood acha ho jaye.

dono park mein unki fav jagah pe gaye,

wahan se sab kuch dikhta tha,

samne bada sa pond,

usmein choti choti pedal wali boats,

park ke chakkar lagata hua ek toy train,

aur samne chotte chotte bachon ke khelne ki jagah.

mausam bhi suhan ho chal tha

usne socha aaj pooch leta hoon........ shayad ,shayad uski bhi aisi feelings ho

-"samiksha."

-"hmmmm"

-"tu aaj thoda saddy saddy lag rahi hai. kya baat hai bache? sab thik hai na?"

-"haan yaar. actually mujhe to khush hona chaiye,bt dar lag raha hai na to isliye aisa chehra bana hua"

-"khush? aur dar? kya hua ?"

-"guess who is coming to meet me?"

-"kaun?"

-"my bf stupid. delhi se aa raah hai specially mujhe milne ko. ek saal ho gaya use dekhe hue. i m so damn excited ki kya karun samajh nahin aa raha hai. ye t-shirt bhi usike liye hai. achi hai na"

ye kya keh diya usne. kuch jayda hi achanak se ye baat pata chali.

aankhon se aansu chalk gaye.

usne apna face doosri aur kiya aur us toy train ko dekhne laga.

-"haan. bahut achi hai. bt tumne pehle kabhi bataya nahin uske bare mein?"

-"are batati to fir uske yaadon mein kho jati. wo hai hi aisa. itna sensible,itna samjhdar,itna caring,itna handu. kya boloon yaar. he is d best. wo meri bahut fikar karta hai........ I LOVE HIM SO MUCH"

haan,

wahi to sab hai aapka,

vipplov,tu kyun itna expect karta hai.

are suna tune usne kya qualities batayi. ek bhi hai tujhe mein?

bt maine jo kiya uske liye.... main bhi to care karta hoon uski

care..... who cares ki tu kitna care karta hai,

shakl dekh apni,

langoor jaisi hai,

cartoon kahin ka,

aur aisi na jane kitni baaten uske dimag mein aane lagi......

wo achanak ke utha aur cold-drinks lene chala gaya.....

thode der park mein aur baithe,shamiksha thi ki ruk hi nahin rahi thi........ dhruv aisa hai,dhruv waisa hai,usmein ye achi baat hai,wo itna care karta hai.........

ek halki si muskan aa gayi vipplov ke chere pe.

khus nahin ho raha tha wo,

haan,

apni kismat pe haas raha tha.

sari baatein ek ek karke yaad aa rahi thi.....

kitna sahi kehti thi mummy,school time pe jaya karo..... ek din late jake ye kya ho gaya......

uski smile ruk hi nahin rahi thi.

aur samiksha ne socha ki shayad ye uski baaton pe khus ho raha hai.

humesa ki tarah.

use ghar drop karke wo apne ghar nahin gayaa.....

apni sabse fav jagah gaya jahan wo ek dum akela hota hai,

us din bahut roya tha wo......

itna roya tha ki aanson ne bhi us din ke baad uska sath chod diya.

school khatam hui,

shamiksha ka aiims mein ho gaya tha......

acha hai na,ab wo dhruv ke paas rahegi..... dono itna pyar karte hai aakhir.

vipplov ne bhi kisi tarah aieee mein qualify kiya....

aur chala gaya engg banne.

haan uske dost aaj bhi ek baat kehta hai,

-"vipplov tu ab hasta kyun nahin hai"

unhe kaun bataye ki uski jo hasi thi wo shayad ab kabhi wapis na aa sake.

R. I. P.

This feeling,it sucks. Feeling of being alone,of being neglected,of being forgotten. No one cares whether you are alive or not. Yes there is a point of time when they come to you. Its when they need you,whatever reason it might be. You can be useful to them in many ways, to cheer them up, to do some work for them, act as a scapegoat. They come to you when they need your shoulder to cry on, sharing all there griefs, but when your shoulder is heavy with the burden of their tears they leave you again. why???? because there job was done, now they are happy, and they dont need you any more. You stupid fellow, how did you even dare to think that you can be a part of their happy life. You have no place in their life. You try a lot to stay happy but you cant. Being a human you are vulnerable to these feelings. You always experience emotions but never has this been a good experience. you are tired of being a doormat. But you cant help. This is your fate. Start living with it and wait for the day when people will say......... "and today he took his last breath. He left for a place, away from all this pain, where he can finally R.I.P. "

जाने क्यूँ......

ना जाने क्या सोच रहा था मैं,
किस धुन में चला जा रहा था मैं।
अपनी ही दुनिया में मस्त था,
ना ज़माने कि परवाह थी,ना किसी की फिकर।
लगी ठोकर, गिरा मैं,
सँभालने कोई ना आया।
अँधेरी गलियों में, अनजान राहों में,
गिरता ही चला गया मैं।
जब तक ख़ुद संभालता,बहुत देर हो चुकी थी,
दुनिया बदल गई,ख्वाब टूट गए,
सचाई से सामना हुआ मेरा।
लगा अब ना रास्ते है ना मंजिल।
किसी भी तरह,नियति से लड़ता हुआ,
अपनी जिंदगी जी रहा हूँ,
हर रोज एक नया ज़हर पी रहा हूँ।
बस एक विनती करना चाहता हूँ आपसे,
कि मेरी तरह कभी ये नादानी न करना,
कभी किसी को अपना दिल ना देना,
दोस्तों,कि जो तुमने ये भूल,
तो फ़िर उसकी याद में पीते ना रहना। :) :) :)

decicated to all my friends

THAT WINTER DAY......

That winter day I was with you,
the sky so blue,fog hovering over you.
The mildness of sun,the sweet smell in air,
by my side you were there.

Saw you after ages,
the special meeting after years.
Did something acrid fell in my eyes,
or those were tears?

Tears of joy,tears of happiness,
of love,of delight,
when I saw your face smiling bright.

It was euphoria,
walking with you by my side.
Remember i smiled even when you did chide.

Loved to listen to you,
loved to talk to you,
but then I just wanted to sit and stare you.
You made me smile,you made me glow with delight,
you took me to new heights.

That day a new hope lit in my heart,
hope that love will blossom between us,
hope that you will feel the same as I do,
hope that I will find my eden with you.

These things I might never say to you,
it is really hard to express my feelings.
To tell you how much I care for you,
how much I love you.
I just can't tell it,untill you feel it,
just like I felt,that winter day............